Monday, March 21, 2011


                                       AN ODE TO AN OLD FRIEND

                                  In my life, there has never been
                                  A man as lovely as you that I have seen
                                  Your beady eyes warm my heart
                                  Your warm breath smells like my kitty's fart
                                  Your directions to the restroom were positively genius
                                   I'm guessing by the way that you talk to women you have a teeny tiny penis                      
                                   Your charm and wit will win the world over
                                   Your girlfriend looks just like my best friend Rover
                                    Writing ridiculous poetry may be immature
                                    But for the blues, it is a splendid cure....

          Today's suggestion is two-fold. The next time that you encounter, as I recently had the opportunity to do, someone you don't like or who doesn't like you, instead of retreating like Washington's troops, run right into their face and offer them your best impression of Aunt Jemima. You know one of the best things about adopting the mantra of "you can't be serious" is that it makes it very difficult to dislike people because every interaction can be seen as opportunity to take lemons and make lemonade, and it is near impossible to stay angry or hate someone who has provided you with sweet refreshment on a day when you are hot and bothered.
         Case in point, when I ran into this lovely gentleman( and I use that word generously) who once informed me that I should use a wooded area as opposed to the facilities in his friend's apartment as a place to go to the bathroom, I did not shun him. I did not allow the sighting or the potential drama of it to spoil my evening. Nay, instead I embraced our reunion as a possible chance to practice being impervious to common people, who are, for the most part, my intellectual inferiors. And so how could I hate them? I only have the utmost pity and warm feelings to my fellow men who were not blessed by God in the same ways that I have been. See how if you embrace those who don't like you, you can use their negativity to inflate your own ego. Bonus one of this plan to not be serious.
            The second suggestion is to write a ridiculous poem about someone who doesn't like you. Primarily this is just pure hedonistic fun. I mean instead of being all serious and like oh my god, why would someone be so mean to little, old, sweet. gorgeous, brilliant me? Have a good laugh at their expense. It's much better than feeling sad, and it gives opportunity for creative expression. Any one who should like to try this exercise may feel free to post their effort in the comment section of this blog. If someone particularly doesn't like me, I should welcome their attempt with crazy good will. Nothing pumps me up like an insult. It's like a tank of helium to my deflated balloon.
              Oh and one more thing, I told you with me there is always one more thing, there are a lot of people out there throwing around the term self-respect and suggesting that I am lacking in that department. This is a side note, and not so much pertinent to this post except that perhaps some people might think it beneath them to act immature, passionate or to write silly, ridiculous things on the internet where possibly the entire world could view them. To these notions, I say simply, psshaw. First, self-respect is likely overrated; and second, if there is such a thing, I'd hardly say that someone who is willing to put themselves out into the world to be judged, persecuted and generally maligned and disliked is lacking self-respect. In fact, I think quite the opposite is true. Of course, that is only my opinion, but since I am the only person that I have to answer to ultimately, my opinion is the only one that matters. How's that for self-respect? I think good. I'm quite satisfied:)
              So get cracking on your limerick, and put a smile on your face. Life is too short to be serious.      

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